Words

A friend recently posted on FB that she hates judgemental people. It brought to mind something I’d heard sometime ago – the minute you label someone as being judgemental, you are being exactly the same. Yes, I’m as guilty as the next person of being judgemental. I think we all are. We all have our values that we live by, and when someone does something that doesn’t sit right with our particular values, we can become judgemental.

I’ve said I hate judgemental people in the past. Perhaps I should say I don’t like being judged, thus criticising the act rather than the person, and thereby defending myself. Wonder if I’ll remember to do that next time, I hope so, but it’ll mean changing a behaviour pattern. Will I remember in the heat of the moment!

Another judgemental label I’ve used in the past, but try to avoid now is, ‘control freak’. There has to be a certain amount of, ‘control freak’ in all of us. Without it, we’d be total losers, (and there’s another judgement label). Yes, I recognise some people are easily controlled, thus letting someone’s desire to control their own destiny infringe on someone else’s rights. But is that the fault of the the controller, or the controllee. And is it a problem anyway. If someone’s happily rolling through life, seemingly in the clutches of a ‘control freak’, perhaps that person is just happy not to have to make to many decisions.

Labelling someone a control freak can be a way if actually trying to force a person to relent on something that may be important to that person. So even by applying the label a person can in fact become the very same thing.

Judgements and labels, we’re all guilty of using both I’m sure. I’m equally as sure we’ve all been hurt by someone else’s lack of empathy with their use of the English language.

Personally, I think the world would be better off if we all let things roll off our backs a little more often. Live and let live is a great motto to live by. The hardest part in trying to live up to that philosophy though is letting it slide when someone isnt doing that to us. I should, and wished I could, just silently hold my ground. But will I in the future. I can only but try.

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7 thoughts on “Words

  1. Judgement – oooh! I have been labelled as judgmental in a critical way. And I don’t feel that I deserved it, so kind of agree with your comment that that comment, in itself, makes that person judgemental also. But then, I think we are encouraged to be judgmental every single day. We are asked our opinion, we are asked in our education to critically evaluate everything, and this is teaching us to be judgemental is it not? Having said all that, I remind myself, not to label others, when I am cranky. I don’t always succeed, as in some way, passing judgement on them, allows me to progress to the next stage of processing that information and reconciling it to my own values and belief systems.
    Control? We do all have to have some sense of control in our lives. If we don’t, all hell would break lose. The problem arises often when we try unsucessfully to control the uncontrollable, and when we can’t – we deflect that emotion and want inappropriately onto something else. Then control becomes an addiction of sorts! In saying this, I feel I am making generalisations and judgements….ahhhhh!!!
    The secret in moving forward is to recognize our actions and then accept them. It is the person who doesn’t admit to being judgemental or controlling that really has issues with this.
    Everything, even judging and controlling, in moderation, I say!! Thanks for posting such an interesting topic.

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  2. Yes, there has to be a certain amount, otherwse chaos would reign totally. It’s hard to know sometimes where the line should be. I really appreciated your comments Amanda. I’m always a little nervous writing about such things – nervous of the judgements and labels I could be setting myself up for.

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  3. I found the wordpress community always very supportive. It doesn’t seem to have the same people who use Facebook. And of course the benefit of being able to very comments and spammers is always a bonus.

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  4. Amanda, sorry to hear you were labelled judgmental in a critical manner.
    Of course, we’re all judgmental to some degree, but I guess it’s the degrees that matter. For example, I’m not going to tell someone they shouldn’t wear some outfit unless I’m asked in a sincere manner that shows they, too, are genuinely uncertain. But you can be sure I’ll judge our politicians and their actions within Parliament. It’s none of my business what they do at home, unless it’s illegal.

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